Warehouse Inventory
by Mourning Dahl
Summary: A collection of one-shots about various artifacts from the Warehouse. Some are pretty tame, others are fantastical, and a lot of them are recognizable. Who says doing inventory has to be boring? *Suggestions are welcome!*
1. Chapter 1

Ash Williams' Chainsaw

"Okay, this is just a chainsaw. Artie, why do we have a chainsaw on a shelf?"

"Because that chainsaw was attached to an arm that was possessed."

"How can an arm be possessed and not the rest of the body?"

The older man sighed. "I don't know, Myka. It just was."

"Ash Williams's chainsaw," Myka read off the display screen. "After his arm was possessed, Williams cut off the arm, and replaced it with this chainsaw. Properties: gives the holder the strength and willpower of Williams. Caution: Extended usage gives user vivid sight into the world of demons."

Artie and Myka looked at each other, then cautiously turned and walked the other way to the office.

"So, what happened to Ash Williams?" Myka asked as they walked.

"As far as the Warehouse and I are concerned, Ash Williams is living a happy life working at a SaveSmart, and that chainsaw and the Necronomicon aren't gonna harm anyone ever again."

"The what?!"


	2. David Tennant's Screwdriver

"Come on, Artie, my clothes are going out of style."

Artie continued patting down his pockets. "I think I left the keys in the office."

"Okay, I'll run in and grab them."

"No, it's okay, I've got something else."

The older agent began rummaging through his black bag and pulled out a small, silver object.

"Oh, my god! No way, no way you have this and you didn't let me know!"

"I know, Claudia, because artifacts are just toys for you to play with."

The red-haired technician huffed slightly and Artie quickly locked the Warehouse door.

"How did you even get this? Doesn't seem like a sonic screwdriver would be all that dangerous. All it does is open locks… and I believe I just answered my own question."

Artie let out a short laugh. "Exactly. Some artifacts may have been created out of love, but they aren't always used for good."

"How was it created, anyway? Which… Doctor did it belong to?"

Artie rubbed his chin in thought. "He was one of the newer ones. Skinny, hair sticking up-"

Claudia grabbed his arm, a big smile on her face. "You met David Tennant!" She squealed excitedly.

Artie snapped his fingers. "That's the one. Anyway, he loved being the Doctor so much, that on the last day of his tenure, his prop screwdriver was imbued with his passion for the role, giving it the ability to actually open and close locks. Luckily no one noticed what it could do before we were able to snag it."

"Wow," Claudia breathed. "Fanboys are the best. I hope Peter Capaldi creates another one, because that is definitely something I need."


	3. Heather Chandler's Scrunchie

**Artifact** : Heather Chandler's Scrunchie

 **Owned By** : Heather Chandler, Heather Duke, Veronica Sawyer

 **History** : This scrunchie was imbued with the confidence and cut-throat nature of Heather Chandler, leader of the most popular clique at Westerberg High School

 **Properties** : Enhances wearer's confidence and inspires fear and adoration in those around them.

 **Warning** : Especially not to be worn by high school girls.


	4. Violet Baudelaire's Hair Ribbon

Artifact: Violet Baudelaire's Hair Ribbon

History: This hair ribbon belonged to one of the Baudelaire orphans, a trio of very unfortunate children. After losing their parents in a fire, the orphans were passed from guardian to guardian, all the while being pursued by a murderous actor, who wanted their fortune for himself. This ribbon was imbued with Violet's incredible inventing ability.

Properties: Enhances the user's inventing abilities when tied in their hair.

Warning: Not to be worn for extended use, can cause user to think they are being stalked by a murderer and must protect their loved ones. Esp. not to be worn by orphans.

Note: Must not be moved away from Klaus Baudelaire's eyeglasses and Sunny Baudelaire's cooking whisk.


	5. Ring of Athena

Artifact: Ring of Athena

Use: Wearer gains genius level intellect

History: Thought to be the ring of the goddess Athena, this ring made its way through Greece before being snagged and bagged.

Warning: If worn for an extended period, artifact will cause nosebleeds, migraines, blackouts and dementia

Currently in the Mythology section

Artifact suggestion by: MoonWolfAtlantistis


	6. Dagger of War

Artifact: Dagger of War

Properties: Gives strength and fighting knowledge

History: Snagged and tagged first by Warehouse 2, but has managed to escape every Warehouse since

Warning: When touched creates a second personality that is callous and merciless. Although you will be aware of it, you will be unable to control it.

Currently in the Dark Vault

Artifact suggested by: MoonWolfAtlantis


	7. RL Stine's Typewriter

**Artifact:**

R.L. Stine's Typewriter

 **History:** This typewriter was used to write the original manuscripts for the _Goosebumps_ series. During an incident in Madison, Delaware, the manuscripts were burned, but the typewriter survived.

 **Properties:** If used by Stine, the typewriter can bring to life any monster written in a _Goosebumps_ manuscript.


	8. Wonder Woman's Lasso of Truth

**Artifact:** Wonder Woman's Lasso of Truth

 **Properties:** When roped up, person is compelled to tell the truth

Currently in the Superhero Aisle


	9. Orin Scrivello's Tools

**Artifact:** Orin Scrivello's Dentist Tools

 **History:** These tools belonged to a brilliant and sadistic dentist, who tortured his patients. When Scrivello disappeared, the tools were passed from dentist to dentist, before being obtained by Agents Donovan and Jinks of Warehouse 13.

 **Properties:** Imbued with Scrivello's sadism, the tools corrode the user's sanity with each use.


	10. Wallice Simpson's Gloves

Artifact: Wallice Simpson's gloves

History: These gloves were worn by Wallice Simpson the night she met King Henry. The two quickly became involved, leading Henry to abdicate his throne to be with her.

Properties: When worn, the gloves enhance a person's charisma and charm.

Warning: N/A

Notes: N/A


	11. Mel Blanc's Microphone

Artifact: Mel Blanc's Microphone

History: Used by the original voice actor of the Looney Tunes, Mel Blanc

Properties: Changes user's voice when spoken into

Warning: N/A

Notes: N/A


End file.
